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[ Wednesday, April 5th 04:10pm]
So i was at PHP (Partial Hospitalization) in Brook Lane for 3 days, whihc i was there for school and therapy.

But then here at the house i ended up going to their hospital as an inpatient for 9 days. I finally got out Friday. I was in there for Anger and Violence. Thennnnn i went back to PHP for a few days.

I'm coming back to Smithsburg tomorrow, (FINALLY)

So i'm really Excited.

Corey got sent to the Jackson unit for 60 days, so he came over the other night so we could say our goodbyes.

it was bad. It's been soooo long since we've both cried that hard together, I'm reallly going to miss him, but i think this would be a good thing for him.

Miss you baby ...
(3) Strips - Strip

[ Wednesday, March 22nd 10:24pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

Brook Lane is not working for me.

and i have 2-3 weeks left.

fuck this.


Corey, i love you baby, just wanted to say thank you for being there for me through this heart-wrenching times, and stressful times, you being there for me 24/7 means everything to me....


(2) Strips - Strip

[ Monday, February 20th 10:15pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

Cameron ran away.


And he left his cell phone at his house, so now no one knows where EXACTLY he is.


(1) Strip - Strip

[ Monday, February 20th 11:06am]
[ mood | drained ]

The past week and a half were just a trip and a half...

including riding in the back of Lucas's truck stoned with Corey and Cameron (meadows), and going up to high rock and watching the sunset, going for long walks into the Cemetary.

I dunno, you were the best boyfriend i could ever imagine...

but you were the worst buzzkill i could ever imagine.

i know when i'm coming down from rollin all day that i'm not the most tolerable person to be around...

but you fucked up.

John, Drew, Andrew, Cameron, Lucas, Lacey, Jess, Corey (Ridge), Britt Ashton, Dyllon, Pressy...

thanks you guys.


[ Monday, February 13th 04:24pm]
[ mood | angry ]

So I got my mom to Cancel the Counseling appointment scheduled for tomorrow

(Valentine's Day)

but she still doesn't think it's right for me to see my own boyfriend for almost Nine months on Valentine's Day.


He's definately not happy...

i chilled with Corey (Ridge), Vance, and Brit on Thursday, it was great, to just get away from everything... Yeah we just went to the pool hall all night.

Thanks guys :)

(1) Strip - Strip

[ Sunday, February 12th 10:39am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

So Corey and i have been highly anticipating this upcoming Valentine's Day.

i mean, it's our special day, we told eachother that and everything.

i found out today my mom's not going to let me spend it with him, at all.

i hate my mom.

(2) Strips - Strip

[ Tuesday, January 31st 08:23pm]
[ mood | sick ]

So now i have Corey's Virial Infection.

we're both really sick, but at least we can be sick together.

i got to stay home and sleep until 3:30 in the afternoon.

Corey called me before school to see how i was doing, he just took the new medicine the doctor gave him, so he was all happy and energetic.

then he went home sick... again.

i dunno. i'm going back to bed.



[ Wednesday, January 25th 11:20pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I just love how everything is falling apart.

and this time it isn't my fault.


[ Sunday, January 15th 10:26am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

[X]been drunk.
]smoked pot
[X]kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[X]rode in a taxi.
[X]been dumped.
[x] been fired.
[x]had a job.
[X]been in a fist fight.
[X]snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ]been arrested.
[X]stole something from your job.
[ ]celebrated new years in times square.
[ ]went on a blind date.
[X]smoked a cigarette....i really need to quit
[ ]gone on an airplane by yourself
[X]had "sex" in a car. Hehe <3

[X]white lied to a friend.
[X]had a crush on a teacher.
[ ]celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ]been to europe.
[X]made out in a movie theater.
[X]taken caffine pills.
[X]been to disney world.
[X]had a crush on someone you hardly knew.
[ ]been to california.
[X]been skinny dipping. With Coreyyyyyy mmmm.
[X]regretted something.
[ ]peed on someones lawn.
[X]skipped school.
[X]thrown up from drinking
[ ]lost your sibling.
[ ]been butt nekked bangin on the bathroom floor. it was like on the floor by the bathroom.
[X]kissed a member of the same sex
[X]had sex with a boy. mmmhmmm. :)

[ ]had sex with a girl.

[X]been in a car accident
[X]partied for days and days straight (like 2)
[X]had a family member die.
[X]played 'clue'.
[X]had a sleepover party
[X]went ice skating.
[ ]been cheated on.
[X]had a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[ ]had a threesome
[ ]had a sweet sixteen.
[ ]had sex on a roof, with your friends unknowingly watching?

do you?
[X]have a bf.
[ ]have a gf.
[X]have a crush. On the love of my life :)
[X] have a dog
[X]have your own room.
[X]listen to rap.
[X]paint your nails.
[X]play a sport.
[X]play more than one sport.
[X]watch sports on tv.
[X]have a fav. group/singer/artist.
[X]have more than 1 best friend.
[]get good grades.
[X]play an instrument Sax, piano, and I used to play the flute and clarinet.
[ ]have slippers.
[X]wear boxers. Yeah i wear corey's around his house sometimes :) 
[ ]wear black eyeliner
[X]like the color blue.
[X]like the color yellow.
[X]like to write.
[X]have long hair. Not anymore!! (snip, snip)
[ ]have short hair.
[X]have a cell phone.
[ ]have a laptop.
[ ]have a pager.

are you?
[ ]ugly.
[ ]pretty.
[ ]bilingual.

[ ]Black
[ ]Mexican
[ ]short.
[ ]tall.
[ ]grounded.
[ ]lazy.
[ ]talking to someone
[ ]IMing someone
[X]scared to die...I was just talking about this last night. I'm only afraid to die without telling him ilove him, and goodbye
[ ]on the phone.
[ ]in your room.
[ ]drinking something
[ ]eating something.
[X]in your pjs
[X]listening to music MMM STONE TEMPLE PILOTS !
[ ]homophobic.

(1) Strip - Strip

[ Wednesday, January 11th 07:55pm]
[ mood | worried ]

So Friday night, i ended up going to Darrel's house for a while just to chill and hang out... he bought me the new System of a Down cd, and made me like 3 other random cds and gave me a brand new wallet for some reason, i'm not sure why... but it was fun.

Then, i had Saturday school, which was also a lot of fun, i was with Josh Mose, Michael Mann, Justin Squires, Tony Jones... that's about it that i knew in that class, but in the other one was Corey Williams, Josh McVay, Sam Hettich... Mr, Ullery was smart enough to separate us all, lol.

Then i went home with Corey and spent the whole day with him, we went to the movies, and since he didn't see the Ringer yet, i had to see it again, it's pretty good, but it gets old after a while. i just saw it with Justin and Nicole last Monday.

ehh then corey and i collapsed on his bed, and we just fell asleep together for like three hours. He wasn't feeling good, so i was trying as hard as i could to make him feel better, and he just fell asleep, and i did too. His mom just came in, turned the light off, and just let us sleep.

Then we just layed around, wrestling, laughing having a great time, then Rene and Justin stopped by, and we chilled for a while, but Corey and i layed back in the bed and rene was sitting at the top, and Corey pulled the cover over us, and yeah... we didn't think it was going to be obvious, but i guess it was. So they left, and.. enough said.


i can't remember what i did on Sunday.

Monday i went to the movies with Chris to see Hostel, butttttt now the new theatre... to see R rated movies, they have to be 21 to sign me in ! UGH! he's 18, lol. Even when Corey's mom tried to sign us in to see Saw 2, she couldn't sign us in, she had to sit there in the movie with us.. but she just snuck into a different movie.

Yesterday i chilled with Myles and Chris.

Today i chilled with Justin and Willie.

Kirk is in a nursing home, doing a little bit better, believe it or not, but now my grandfather is in the hospital.. he had serious heartburn, and he almost collapsed, he just got his gallbladder removed.

ehh Darrel and Robert may stop by, then HOPEFULLY corey.



[ Monday, January 9th 09:52pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Therapy is going horrible, i guess i didn't say much about that, but my parents are lying to make themselves look superior, and make me look horrible, so now they want to put me in anger management.

they make me laugh.


[ Thursday, January 5th 09:45pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I'm getting Corey's cold.

(4) Strips - Strip

[ Wednesday, January 4th 10:01pm]
[ mood | sympathetic ]

eh Corey's sick :(

i just got done talking with him and he just sounds horrible..

but you know what this meanssss i'm going to be sick soon ! HOORAH!



i wanna get that hoodie soooo bad !

is it good for something that is in horrendous pain ... to be like pulsating ?

(2) Strips - Strip

.. [ Monday, January 2nd 04:22pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

Yesterday was a pretty good day, Corey walked down, and he was here until around 12.

we ate a nice dinner together, listening to Dillinger, and yeah just chilled.

I'm definately not ready for school tomorrow, I remember when our Christmas breaks lasted well over 3 weeks, but school just isn't the same anymore.

It really wasn't that much of a "break" anyways, since my mom thought it would be cool for her to stay home from work every day to make sure nothing happened.

I'm really starting to get tired of her.

Kirk, is doing worse and worse each day, in fact he's so weak now, that Thursday, the day our family was going to go down to the house to see him, he was putting his jacket on, and broke his shoulder. It's unbelievable.

He wasn't supposed to make it past Christmas, or To Christmas for that matter. It's just a matter of days now.

Can you just imagine, the feeling one has, when they are told they only had so much longer to live ? All you would want to do, is enjoy and make the best of your life that you can, but now he's unable to reach that. Living live in a hospital bed, eating mashed food through a straw.

Godammit i can't deal with this.

Corey's been there a lot, through all this. He's really sweet. Then we got to talking about how things would be... if he left.

I just started to cry. And he just held me.


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NEW YEARS ! [ Sunday, January 1st 01:32am]
[ mood | satisfied ]

i don't know about everyone else, but this New Year was the greatest one i've ever had.

I don't know.

i just spent the whole day with Corey, and I just got home at like 1:30

and mmm we fell asleep together, tangled up in the blankets and in eachother, for like 3 hours

whatever, i'm just going to have to have a "friends-only" entry soon, becuase i can';t lkeep all this excitement inside, i'll burst.

I love you so much baby.... <3


(2) Strips - Strip

[ Monday, December 26th 11:27pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

i never thought i could be a bigger bitch.

but tonight i proved myself wrong.

i broke corey just to break him... well of course i had some reason behind it, but what i did was horribly uncalled for.

i told him that he made me feel like nothing, and that he made me miss being with Kyle.

There were some other things that weren't really that bad, ok yeah they were.

i'm a bitch.

i never heard anyone break down that hard in my life, and it was because of me. Even though i'm still pondering whether or not i want to be with him, i'm calling him tomorrow to see if we can hang out so i can talk to him to his face rather than over the phone. But i don't know if i'll be able to sleep.

but goodnight and sweet dreams to everyone else.


(7) Strips - Strip

Tiki Man :) [ Saturday, December 17th 11:34am]
[ mood | touched ]

Yesterday was nice. Corey called me as soon as he got up, just to talk for a little bit (which ended up being like an hour)... he was going to go to the mall with Chris but decided to try and hang out with me, but i couldn't until later, so he went snowboarding. I was supposed to go to Nigel's with Myles... even though corey wouldn't of appreciated that unelss he was going with me... my mom said it was fine, even though Nigel got home at like 10:30... i jsut wouldn't have a ride home, and mom wouldn't have wanted me to spend the night at a guy's house, so instead, Corey came over at like 6 and stayed till 12 something. We just watched TV.. wrestled, fooled around, laughed... took a NICE long walk, fell asleep together, the usual. we were doing great, until i brought up Myles, which wasn;t a good idea, becuase he knows Myles calls me more than he does. He just gets paranoid, and just depressed, but once i talked to him about it... holding eachother, i told him that he's the only guy i ever wanted and more. i saw the hugest smile ever. i'm so lucky to have a guy like him :) he let me take ALL kinds of pictures of him last night, but if i posted them, i don't think he'll be very happy.... at all. ..

today i'm sposed to hang out with Chris and Dyllon, i hope that works out, becuase i love those bois they are probably some of my closest friends right there. oh well, i have to drive for two hours today... not really looking foreward to that, just because the road's REALLY wet. oh well i should be fine. i really miss writing in here, and keeping in touch with all my el-jay friends... i'm going to try my best to catch up with y'all.




Oh yeah, Every day in Photography, Jennifer and I always go down over the hill to "take pictures" when we really just smoke... so this time, Mr Barkley was liek "just take a picture of something UNUSUAL" becuase whenever me and Jennifer do go down, we take random dumb pictures. Well we all know that nothing in Smithsburg is unusual unless you make it that way, so i decided to do some art in the woods...



i love my Tiki Man :)


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:) [ Wednesday, December 14th 11:00pm]
[ mood | working ]

so last night was a trip.

went home with Josh, Roberto came over with Kelvin... then we all drove in Berto's car to the mall and just walked around... corey and i were in a huge fight, so i told him i dind't want to see him in the mall, but he just had to come.. with Rene, Justin and Pressy, then Jeremy and Dan met up with Josh and I... it was a trip.

ehh tonight Corey and i were talking for like an hourrr then for some reason Willy, Josh and Justin showed up to m house, and corey was already walking to my house... so io made Willy go pick him up because i felt bad...

then they had to go, and i tried to get Corey to go with them, so he didn't have to walk the hell home, but he INSISTED that he stayed with me. so we just stood outside the church for over 45 minutes holding eachother and talking, it was amazing... and i finally made him go, because it was getting too late, and he was going to freeze.

i feel soooo bad, he walked home in -1 degrees, and then he got sad becuase i was feelin horrible, i definately didn't want him to walk home when its that cold.. idont know.

we're doing so much better.

i love him.

now i'm going to go lay in my nice warm bed and try and thaw out, waiting for his voice.

i bid a good night to you all.

(8) Strips - Strip

[ Monday, December 12th 04:34pm]
[ mood | worried ]

It's been a year yesterday, since we lost Ryan... time went by so fast, however so slow at the same time..

James picked me up with Dustin and Justin and we headed to the Markle's... we just hung out with Andy, Ami, Clinton, Heather, Calvin, Aaron, Michelle... and his parents, and Jilly of course, it was so nice. I had a really good time, although it was such a sad day...

My mom is thinking about putting me in a group teen, and turning me in to Juvi. Services.

i got into a fist fight with my dad... and won.

Corey and i fight every day.

I had a miscarriage.

i think that sums up my life in the recent days.

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UGH [ Thursday, December 1st 09:34pm]
You know how, you have such an amazing relationship, with such an amazing person, then all of a sudden you hit that bump in the road that leads everything to another direction ?

well i'm afraid that it might happen now.

Almost seven months of amazing memories, and although every day, more than once, he's always calling me, telling me how much he loves me, how much i mean to him, blah blah... something is different.

i know we're going to make it through this, its just weird. He tells me he loves me, and to have sweet dreams, and good night, and asks me... "i'm going to see you tomorrow right?"

and i hang up.

maybe i'm just PMSing. maybe not.

i don't know, i'm scared, i don't want to loose him.

no, i really dont.

i do love you, i do.
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